Mens Merlins beat British Airways 1 - 0

MAIDENHEAD MERLINS 1- 0 BRITISH AIRWAYS


Scorer: Craig Mair

Following the cancellation of their last two games, the Merlins were eager to play, but with the absence of the vice captain, goal keeper and umpire and the failure to complete the Daily Telegraph Prize Crossword, the portents were not good. As is often the case, the extended pre-match session in the bar proved most beneficial as the Men’s first XI and their opponents, Wallingford, repaired after an early game. Having been let down by his defence in defeat, the Wallingford goal ‘keeper was keen to secure some enjoyment. His services were secured for the promise of a lift home and free beer and cigarettes. Dan Bradley’s services as umpire were secured on the promise of a half time beer. All was not set, as the home captain had difficulty in conveying to his opposite number that as the Merlins had twelve men and an umpire, they would provide both officials and obviate the need for the BA left back to play and umpire. Matters were resolved without the intervention of ACAS or Lord Meddlesome* and the game eventually got under way.

Driven on by senior first officer, Andy Ivey, the Merlins created a number of scoring opportunities. The normally reliable poacher Brown was off target. This was not attributed to a lack of game time, but disorientation following his first ever run into his own half. Chris Miall and Craig Mair were both profligate in front of goal. With Roger Bowes and Noel Murphy tackling back and combining with the midfield, the Merlins put the opposition defence under considerable pressure, but a goal proved elusive. BA began to mount attacks of their own, but never really threatened to score as ‘keeper, Ed Watson’s stentorian marshalling of the defence meant he only had to touch the ball on a couple of occasions when the ball got into his circle.

Having umpired the first half, Arthur Wood took up his usual left wing position much to the relief of Simon Miall who went to left half. With Roger Bowes taking over the whistle, Noel Murphy was switched to right half, where, had he not been leaving early for Twickenham; he would have been a strong contender for MOM. With the BA players intercepting every long ball, ball retention was critical. Despite Miall junior, Ivey and Mair all displaying their stick skills and wingers Mike Tarrier and Wood stopping balls hit directly to them, the forwards never looked like scoring once they got in the circle. Half way through the half, the Merlins made more changes to their line than the Ospreys*. Bowes relinquished the whistle to Tony Robinson replacing him at left back and Dan Bradley replaced Mair. Still the deadlock did not look like being broken until in a gesture of self sacrifice Brown took the whistle from Mair. This was to prove the turning point. Almost immediately Brown awarded a short corner, a wonderful example of sympathetic umpiring which all agreed was the right decision if not for the correct reason. Once again the Merlins’ short corner routine proved ineffective as Ivey failed to get a shot in. The ball broke out of the circle, but was fired back onto the keeper’s pads. With a wonderful piece of opportunism worthy of Brown, Craig Mair made no mistake with his close range reverse stick shot. Another short corner soon followed. Embarrassed by his recent failure to score, Ivey adopted the insertion role. This proved even worse than his shooting as he failed to get the ball even half way to the nominated receiver. As the crowd began to count the clock down, the Merlins won another short corner. Frustrated at his lack of involvement and the previous futile efforts, Wardle came from right back to take the hit out. He unerringly found Dan Bradley only for Tony Robinson to blow time as he set himself up to fire home what would have been a certain goal. Post match consultation with a qualified umpire confirmed the skipper’s assertion that with time about to expire, the umpire should signal that the game would finish when the ball next went out of play or a goal was scored.

There was no such controversy as the teams retired to the bar where Mair was named Man of the Match and the players enjoyed each others’ company and planned a further game and curry evening in Southall. Ed Watson was most effusive off the Merlins’ approach and even agreed to his being nick named the Hobbit when he entered the bar shoeless. He also expressed his gratitude for free beer and cigarettes as he was chauffeured back to Benson.

• For the benefit of our overseas readers, Lord Mandelson is the Secretary for Business amongst other things and the Ospreys are a rugby union side who fielded 16 men and not the maximum 15 in a game on Saturday.