Mens Merlins beat Woking Warriors 2 - 0

Woking Warriors 0 Maidenhead Merlins 2
Brown, Miall C.

The return of the goal machine

An away fixture at Woking’s exposed astro pitch is never a particularly inviting prospect, usually greeted in the Merlins clubhouse by a pre-emptive groaning of knees and ankles, and so it was strong captaincy indeed from the timeless IMOZ Wardle to ensure that the Merlins arrived at Woking with a complete eleven men. Last minute transfer talks had also secured the services of ‘keeper Martin Beardmore, with the Merlins fortunate to get pen to paper before the closing of the January transfer window.
With “Poison” Ivey in flight somewhere over the Pacific it fell to his wingman “Biggles” Bowes to step into the breach at centre half, a role he seemed to relish as he strode the field with confidence and power. Elsewhere on the field another piece of unfamiliarity was also to produce results. The old goal machine “Jigsaw” Brown, still clawing his way towards his 250th goal, and frustrated at his recent dry spell on grass, decided to try his hand (well hip) on astro for the first time since his operation, if only to prove to himself that his considerable goal-scoring talent wasn’t contained in the bit of Bob that was removed.
The Warriors provided a stiffer challenge than they had on the Bray pitch earlier in the season, but with a line up ranging from colts to pensioners the lack of cohesion was exploited by the Merlins from the off.
With Bowes, Miall Snr., and man-of-the-match Noel Murphy completely dominant across the midfield the Merlins attack was free to attack at will. Chris Miall had an absolute field day behind the front line and very soon chances were raining in left, right, and... well, just left and right actually.
Closest of all the early chances was a screaming effort from “Tugboat” Castle, who latched a little too much on to a sizzling cross from Bowes to strike the right-hand post a little below the crossbar.
Further chances came and went as Miall, Mair, and Bowes supplied several unconverted crosses, but it took a few scares at the Merlins end of the field to create space enough in the Warriors defence for the Merlins to open a lead. A quick delivery from the Merlins defence of Wardle and Robinson set “Tintin” Mair free on the right, and exploiting the lack of pace in the Warriors backline was soon one-on-one with the ‘keeper, and a slipped pass to Brown was gratefully dispatched from close range to give the Merlins the lead and take legend Brown to within eleven goals of his bi-and-a-half centenary.
The second half brought changes to both Warriors personnel and an umpire, and early exchanges were in danger of descending into farce as the Merlins questioned the umpiring skills of the newly appointed official. Perhaps had the Merlins realised that she was both the mother of the most skilled youngster on the field and an ex-England international player they may have kept some of their commentary to themselves.
One player who was certainly nothing other than increasingly focused by events was Chris Miall, who in the space of a few seconds cast off both his previous Merlins nicknames to earn himself a name born from greatness. He calmly stepped away from the names of both “Revlon” and “Gel Boy” Trotter, weaved his way through the entire Woking team, and ignoring the urge to use his “foot of God” casually sent the ‘keeper the wrong way and slotted home in true Argentinean World Cup ’86 style to claim the prize “Mialladonna”.
The rest of the half passed relatively uneventfully, other than skipper Wardle sending one of the Warriors more junior players running for the touchline simply by raising his stick, and “Jigsaw” Brown going to ground like a statue of Saddam Hussein after a collision with a member of the Warriors defence.
A comfortable win for the Merlins in the end, with some unusual passages of play, involving both passing and moving, sometimes even in the same play. Wardle and Robinson were solid in defence, backed up by the considerable skills of Beardmore, the midfield was dominant, and the attack did a lot of running, shouting, and even a little bit of scoring (but mostly missing a lot!).
The usual Merlins bar session was disparate due to dinner commitments and the late start of the fixture, but needless to say the Merlins hardcore four will have made up for everyone else.